A stopgap of sorts!

Another article that I wrote for geeks.co.uk a few weeks ago. Finding the time to properly update the blog is becoming harder and harder since I’m currently in crunch time regarding college as a treasure trove of essays, assignments, exams and a thesis awaits me over the next few weeks. So as far as an update goes this’ll plug the gap until I get enough free time to properly write something. Anywho, I know I already wrote a blog on voiceovers but since this was for a website, I approached it differently. My personal favorites are Mortal Kombat 4 and Animal Sorld Soccer just for sheer awfulness.  Apologizes to anyone who actually checks this blog regularly but you’ll have to wait a tad longer before I can write something original.

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The Worst Videogames Voiceovers

Must try harder

Inspired by a feature on storylines in games a few weeks ago, we touched upon some of the worst voice acting to feature in videogaming. Looking back on that piece, we feel that we didn’t go far enough in demonstrating how horribly wrong these scenes can go. So for educational purposes and a cheap laugh or two, we give to you just a few examples of the worst voice acting you can get in videogames.

Deus Ex (PC)

In its defense, Deus Ex is a fantastic game and at the time, one of the most immersive FPS on offer. However, when you reach the Hong Kong district, the quality of acting takes a sharp decline either through odd dialogue or hammy accents. I get why the Hong Kong natives speak so poorly since you can make the case that English isn’t their main accent but a number of questions arise. For example, why does the bartender have an Australian accent? How does a man with a dodgy Irish accent know he was a mule in Northern Thailand? Why didn’t they go one step further and get the scientist to say E=mc2 since they were kind enough to give him a stereotypical German accent?

Deep Fear (Sega Saturn)

There’s something about the guard that reminds me of Cleveland from Family Guy but the feelings evoked from both characters packs quite an emotional punch. The guard’s heartfelt plea at the end of this clip is perhaps good advice for everyone and really brings it to a climatic close.

House of the Dead 2 (PC, Dreamcast)

Where do we start? The main character’s obvious amusement at entering a building, his ‘don’t move!’ reaction when confronting Goldman and speaking of Goldman, while it’s kind of him to point out that it’s the last battle, he delivers his lines with the energy of a eight year old with an alcohol problem reading aloud in class. Oh, did I mention his pronunciation of ‘life cycle?’

Chaos Wars (PS2)

To summarise, Uru speaks as though he’s in a parody movie you’d find at Newgrounds.com and is incredibly camp, which when you think about his interactions with Nicole becomes quite disturbing. Karen sounds braindead, Shizuku slurs her words and Hyoma and Hayatemaru appear to have inherited the worst inner city American lingo from the 80s.

Mortal Kombat 4 (PSX)

Breathtaking for all the wrong reasons, while there’s the obvious problem of the character models looking and moving quite rigidly, some thoughts spring to mind: (1) While Jarek clearly jumps off the cliff (with some deft movement by Sonia, it must be said) how did he manage to hang off the ledge two seconds later? (2) After crushing that walkie talkie, couldn’t he have laughed.. well, better? (3) Why did Jax ask what happened when (again two seconds later) he knows about Sonia’s death and (4) “This is not a brutality, this is a fatality!” perfectly describes the quality of this cutscene.

Belief and Betrayal (PC)

It’s really the latter part of this cutscene that’s annoying. The main character is a smug twat, apparently a ladies man and speaks so fast that he responds to conversation topics before the words have even been spoken. He’s also a journalist who, judging him by this scene alone, probably gets all the articles that nobody else wants or worse, writes weekly articles on flash games.

Animal Soccer World (PS2)

Saving the best till last, if you thought the above was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet! All I can say is that this really does need to be seen to be believed and you’ll need to be an emotionless dunce not to feel some embarrassment towards the quality of acting and the background music that only heightens the suspense.  To this day, I still have no idea if this game has any actual gameplay and to be honest, I don’t think I want to find out!